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"Undertaker, if that is your real name..." - Kurt Angle
"You know... when one speaks your name very fast, it just sounds like just incredible" - Kurt Angle to Justin Credible
"Children love me, dammit!" ~ Kurt Angle
"I wasn't surprised at all. In fact, I thought, why stop there? Why not add the Big Show, or Chris Jericho, or the whole state of Nebraska for that matter? And don't you think a wrestling ring is a little old school, Lilian? Why not put the match in a shark tank, with real live sharks? Hungry sharks! And the only way to beat your opponent is to stuff him down a shark's throat, and pin the shark. Wouldn't that be a hoot?" ~ Kurt Angle, reffering to the ridiculousness of his title defense becoming a triple threat against the Rock and Triple H
"Not to mention our former tag team champions lost their titles after my good friend Christian was hit in the genitals with a hockey stick by a midget! I mean enough is enough" - Kurt Angle
"Hey, I drank milk that was a DAY past the expiration date. Now THAT is Extreme!" - Kurt Angle
Christian: "So are you in?"
Angle: "Six man elimination table match with Booker T and The Dudleyz? You bet your sweet asses I'm in!"
Edge: "Did he just say sweet asses?"
"Triple H, you may be a great athlete, but in the Olympic Games of life, you don't even qualify"
"Maybe if you spent a little less time crying over spilt milk, and a little more time drinking it like me, you'd finally be a winner" ~ to HHH
"You want me in the ring? Now I know you've been drinking!"~ to Essa Rios
"As an Olympic hero, and a representitave of all 50 states, it's no secret that I'm not a fan of the state of Texas. And I saw your little flag people, it's missing about 49 other stars. And to be honest, I'm glad I'm having my match here tonight, because tonight I can illustrate a point. Even these beer belly, bull riding, Texas yee-haws know that I have never, and will never, tap out to you."
~referring to Chris Benoit just before theit match at WrestleMania XVII
"I'll make you tap faster than Gregory Hines on speed!"
"Rock, if there's one thing I can't stand, it's a crybaby"
~Responding to the Rock complaining about Kurt costing him the match by hitting him with a chair
"There was once a group of extraordinary, talented guys, who had a chance to make history, who had a chance to win it all. But it all got put in jeopardy due to in-fighting, back-stabbing, and lack of leadership. What was once a group who had everything became now a bunch of losers with nothing. Of course I'm talking about the 2001 Boston Red Sox. Oh it's true. It's the same as Pedro Martinez and Nomar refusing to play with their so called "injuries". This Sunday, The Alliance has a chance at winning it all, and Austin- We'd better. Because when the Boston Red Sox loses like they do every year, big deal, they always have next year to screw it up again. But there is no next year for us, there is no tomorrow"~at the Smackdown! before Survivor Series 2001
"Guys, it's Texas, the whole state smells like this" ~ to a complaining Edge and Christian
"When they submit to my Olympic wrath- there's just no better feeling"
"You do NOT boo an Olympic gold medalist! You DO NOT boo an Olympic gold medalist! I'm the best in the world! I came here for YOU! You do not boo me."~Kurt to the audience during his first televised match vs Sean Stasiak
"First of all, I would like everyone here in Boston to know that if you follow my three "I"s-- intensity, integrity, and intelligence-- you can accomplish anything you want! You could! And if you follow my three "I"s, then maybe someday, even THIS town could win a World Series! You could!" ~Kurt gets booed nearly out of the Fleet Center
“I just want to say to everyone that, even though I suplexed an eighty-two-year-old pregnant woman, I am still a role model for children, not to mention elderly people as well. At the time, I actually thought it was Mark Henry.”
... so, tonight, I am asking you, the fans of Buffalo, to cheer for the man who brought home the Olympic gold medal!" (crowd heat) "And NOT the man who stayed out all night at a topless bar the night before he competed!" (crowd pops) "That's enough! Hey! He stayed out all night at a topless bar the night before he competed! And--" (crowd pops louder) "No! No no no no!" to Mark Henry before their match
"It has been brought to my attention that Sunday night, the Royal Rumble at Madison Square Garden, your Olympic hero has just been informed that he has an unnamed opponent in his match. Supposedly, with a man who is going to break my notorious undefeated streak. Now, my concern does not lie with this quote-unquote unnamed man, but that this country would be completely devastated if my streak come to an end."
“Tonight, I have decided to treat all of you, and become the next European champion. Now, I realize we’re down here in Texas, and not a lot of people here know where Europe is…”
"I realize we're in Los Angeles, a city that lacks integrity and moral value! But you would rather cheer a porn star over ME?! What is WRONG with you people?"
"Each night I come out here and offer my services to be your sports hero. But tonight, I'm not gonna do that. Instead, I would like to talk about my opponent ,Mark Henry. You see, Mark may think that we're a lot alike, because we were both Olympians. But that's where the similarity ends. As I won Olympic gold, came to the WWF, and embarked on an incredible undefeated streak that shocked the whole entire world, Mark Henry's greatest accomplishment was impregnating an 82-year-old woman. Congratulations, Mark. And although that may have required a lot of intensity-I don't even like to think about it-it definitely lacked integrity and intelligence, if you know what I mean. And while impregnating elderly women and living in sin may be acceptable to Dallas Texas, it is NOT acceptable to your Olympic champion! It is not!"
"Ever since I teamed up with Edge and Christian, your olympic hero has been noticing that he has been getting alot of extra attention from teenage girls! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! In fact - word on the street is that your olympic hero is considered to be 'all that!' It's true! It's true! Teenage girls, I have a word of warning for you - in the form of a nursery rhyme - it goes something like this: 'Don't be like the people here, shacking up with other guys! Be clean! Be pure! Be abstinent - and follow my three I's!' Thank you! And now, let me introduce you to my tag team partners, who also happen to be 'all that!' And I would like you to show them to same respect and admiration you have given me! Without further -a-dew, Edge and Christian!"
"This Stuff [Beer] Is Tasty, When Did They Start Making It?" - Kurt Angle to The APA
"If your Olympic Hero were to use the Worm in the 1996 olympic games, it would be so embarassing to all the other atheletes - and our country, mind you- that the USA would have finished behind Guam." Kurt Angle
"I became the first ever Euro-continental champion in WWF history. Well, besides D-Lo Brown, but he doesn't count." Kurt Angle
"Triple H? Triple H? Why don't you introduce someone who actually has the decency to show up on time?" -- Kurt Angle to The Coach, Raw 1/07/02
Kurt Angle: "And who's the guy that brings happiness and joy to children all over the world every single day?"
Christian: "Kurt Angle."
Kurt Angle: "Exactly."
-- Raw 1/07/02
"I'm not gonna let a guy like Triple H, a guy that tore his quadricep... I mean he was out for eight months! I tear my quadricep all the time! I tore it this morning, I'm fine, I'm here, I'm jumpin' around." -- Kurt Angle, Raw 1/07/02
"Your Olympic Hero is scheduled to wrestle in a match against the man they call the 'Big Red Retard'. And not that I have anything against retarded people, because I don't. As a matter of fact, I have a lot of retarded fans out there that admire and respect your Olympic Champion." -- Kurt Angle
"Canada is lacking two things. It's true. Don't make me say it again. The first is Olympic Heroes [...] The second thing that Canada is lacking is Memorial Day, which is today by the way, where we in the States celebrate our war heroes by having barbeques . And I realize here in Canada you can't have barbeques because you'd probably be attacked by a moose, or caribou, or even a grizzly." -- Kurt Angle
"I have a little nursery rhyme for all you children out there, something even the Godfather can understand. 'You can prance and you can dance, but when it comes to relations, keep it in your pants.'" -- Kurt Angle 2001
"How do I feel? I'll tell you how I feel: Like a million dollars, lady! You know, I don't particularly care for the tone in which you asked the question. You know, Florida's not too far from the Mexican border, Lillian Garcia. If you don't change your attitude, then all I need to do is make one phone call to the INS, then it's 'Lillian Gar - See Ya Later'! Comprende?" -- Kurt Angle to Lillian Garcia (who's from Spain, by the way), WWF Heat 11/19/00
Triple H: "Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, quite frankly, could be the perfect woman. But yet, you stand in front of her and look at her every week and say 'I just wanna be her...friend.' Now what kind of a guy stands in front of a hot woman and just wants to be her friend?"
Kurt Angle: "What are you tryin' to say?"
Triple H: "I mean, you'd like to be friends with Steph. You'd like to hang out with Steph...you'd like to, maybe, go shopping for drapes with Steph. Hey, Kurt, look - don't get upset, okay? There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. This is the year 2000 - alternative lifestyles are perfectly acceptable in this day and age! Kurt, if you're batting off the other side of the plate from the rest of us, that's okay! And I understand - Kurt, I can understand you're upset right now, okay? Maybe national television wasn't a good place for me to call you out on this, but it explains a lot, Kurt - all the looks ya been givin' me and the little smirks? I mean, who are you trying to get close to here?"
Kurt Angle: And Hunter, try to go a week without accidentally hitting your wife, ok?
Triple H: Ok. Try to go a match without hitting on me, ok?
Spike: "I said, leave my girlfriend alone!!"
Angle: "What is this?? Saved By The Bell??" - Smackdown!, May 24. 2001
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a loud mouth Canadian with long blonde hair who dresses like a rock star....well except for you, you're cool. - Kurt to Y2J about Edge
"I just got pinned by a freakin' 12 year old!" - Kurt Angle, after losing to Rey Mysterio (Smackdown!, 8/8/02)
I'll make that whole childhood burny thing seem like a papercut. - Kurt Angle about Kane
I don't have a problem with gays. In fact, gay people love me. Everybody loves me. I'm freakin adorable.-Kurt Angle
Angle: "I was in the Cub Scouts, the Webelos, Boy Scouts, I did em all."
Austin: "What do you mean you did em all?"
