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"Who's that, the windbreaker?" -- Paul E. commenting on Firebreaker Chip of the Patriots.
"Christian! His parents had nine months to to think of a name, and the best they came up with was Christian!? My parents had nine months and they didn't call me Jew!" - Paul Heyman
"Do you know who else is hot? My mom! My Mom's HOT!!!" - Paul Heyman, Smackdown, October 4 2001
Paul E. commenting on War Games: "This is more dangerous than double dating with Danny Bonaduce on the Kennedy compound."
"Missy is really a man. She's a cross dresser. She hangs out with Sammartino. They shave each other's back." -- Paul E.
"Hey J.R., did you ever notice their words don't match their mouths when they talk? That's amazing!" - Paul Heyman on Kaientai
*rolls eyes* "Oh look, I've been joined by my sidekick J.R. Ross" - Paul Heyman after Austin beat up Michael Cole and Ross stepped in to commentate on Smackdown!
Taste the Rainbow of fruit flavor. A rainbow of flavor. That's cool, right? I've never tasted a rainbow before. - Paul Heyman on Skittles bite sized candy
"The Undertaker and Booker T about to get it on live" - Paul Heyman
"He nailed Rock from behind!" - Paul Heyman
"Hey mom, I made it to Washington D.C. and now I'm gonna get to see Bush!!" - Paul Heyman referring to Trish Stratus.
"What are you doing with our table? We are not Spanish!" - Paul Heyman
