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Zitate: The Rock
THE ROCK: "Well, The Rock says--"
A FAN AT RINGSIDE WHO YELLS TO THE ROCK: "It doesn't MATTER what you say!"
THE ROCK: "Oh, it matters what The Rock says!"
"The Rock says... hold that microphone up to The Rock's mouth, jabroni, before The Rock slaps the taste out of your mouth... The Rock says, Stone Cold Steve Austin, tonight is the night that you go one-on-one with The Great One. And your monkey ass is going to be made famous, compliments of The Rock. You run your mouth about how The Rock comes out here and recites his little nursery rhymes? Well, The Rock has prepared a little nursery rhyme specifically for you and it goes like this: Mary had a little lamb... Then again, piss on the lamb, piss on Mary, and piss on YOU! The Rock is going to go out there tonight and do what he does best, and that's lay the smackdown on your... roody-poo candyass! No! No! No! Don't do that. Stone Cold Steve Austin, after all is and and done, the millions..." **The crowd finishes the sentence for him** "The millions and the millions of The Rock's fans are going to realize that The Rock is, without a shadow of a doubt, the most electrifying man in sports-entertainment, and the best damn World Wrestling Federation Champion there ever was! If ya smell..." **The crowd finishes the sentence for him, again** "Hey Philly, this ain't sing-along with The Rock! The Great One says it by himself! If ya smell... what The Rock..." **Rock pauses very theatrically, lifts a hand to his face, pushed his chin down, turns his head to the side, and cocks the People's Eyebrow** "... is cookin!"
The Rock and Mankind take on eachother for the WWF Title in a Last Man Standing match on Halftime Heat, at halftime of the 1999 Superbowl. Rock kicks Mankind's ass all around the arena. Finally they end up in the management offices of the arena. The phone rings and Rock picks it up, while he is still kicking Mankind's ass. Here is what he says: "Hello, Smackdown Hotel, Rock speaking... No, I'm afraid Mankind's not available right now--he's a little busy... WITH THE ROCK'S FOOT IN HIS MOUTH!" The phone rings again, a few moments later. Here is what Rock says: "Yeah, CandyAss Cafe. How can The Rock help you? No, I'm sorry, Mankind's not available right now--HE'S A LITTLE TIED UP!" Rock then wraps the telphone cord around Mankind's neck.
"Well since Rock's baby left him... He found a new place to dwell... It's down at the end of Jabroni Drive at... Smackdown Hotellalalalalaaaa!"
-The Rock sings his version of Elvis Presley's "Heartbreak Hotel" to Mankind while he is on the ground during their Last Man Standing match for the WWF Title at the St. Valentine's Day Massacre 1999 (WWF No Way Out 1999; It's name was changed because it took place on Valentine's Day (February 14) and it was so brutal. This was mainly because of the second main event's brutality. This involved Vince McMahon and Stone Cold Steve Austin in a bloody and brutal Steel Cage Match, which Austin won when "Big Show Paul Wight interfered and made his WWF debut. He threw Austin into the cage's side and the side of the cage LITERALLY broke open and Austin swung out of the ring and fell on the floor. Due to his feet touching the floor, Austin won the match, making both Big Show and McMahon VERY mad.)
"Now, Bad Ass, you run your mouth about Summerslam. Well, here's the situation. The Rock says this: if The Rock hits you, he'll kill you. If he misses, the wind behind the punch will give you pneumonia and you'll die anyway, so the choice is yours, jabroni!"
-The Rock to "Bad Ass" Billy Gunn
"Stone Cold Steve Austin... The Rock knows how much you like to drink. So The Rock is offering you a couple of drinks tonight. The drinks are on The Great One. But here's a stipulation, Austin: The Rock says don't get drunk and pass out, or else you'll wake up with The Rock's fist in your mouth, and his foot up your ass!"
- The Rock, to Stone Cold Steve Austin at WrestleMania XV, before their WWF Title showdown later that night (March 28, 1999)
MANKIND: "Rock, what I'm about to do is show the millions--"
THE ROCK: (Rock holds out his hand to stop Mankind) "Don't you EVER do that again."
LAWLER: "Gimmick infringement!"
The Undertaker cuts a promo to The Rock. Here is the opening line of The Undertaker's promo: "Listen young man, and I do mean young." Here is the ending line of The Undertaker's promo: "I am going to take you to the learning tree!" A couple nights later on RAW, The Rock responds to Undertaker's promo: "Undertaker, you run your mouth about how you're going to take The Rock to the learning tree. Well, you're not going to have to drag The Rock to the learning tree. The Rock will gladly go to the learning tree with you. And then he'll pause once we get there. He'll reach up and break off a branch, And he'll pick each and every leaf off of that branch. Then he'll turn it sideways and stick it straight up your candyass!"
Here is another promo by The Rock directed at The Undertaker, a few nights before their WWF Title bout at King of The Ring 98: "Undertaker, do you think you impress The Rock by coming out here with your little Undertaker symbol and claiming to steal the souls of all these poor jabronis in the World Wrestling Federation? Do you think you impress The Rock by making your eyes roll up into the back of your head? Well, The Rock says, you come to King of the Ring. And you try to sacrifice The People's Champ. But instead of taking your eyes and rolling them up into the back of your head, The Rock says that you take that entire thirty-five pound head, spin it around backwards like The Exorcist, have it roll down your back, and catch it in your hands. And then, Undertaker, take your own head, yurn that sumbitch sideways... and stick it straight up your candy ass!"
"Tonight The Rock is going to play movie director, and let you see firsthand the unedited, uncut version of The Rock's major motion picture, entitled 'Laying The Smackdown on Your Roody-Poo Candy Ass!' And when it's all said and done, and all the smoke has cleared, and the millions and the millions of The Rock's fans have finished chanting his name, the Titanic will still be sunk, Monica Lewinsky will still love her cigars, and The Rock will have kicked the living piss out of Mankind!"
-The Rock to Mankind on a Sunday Night HeAT telecast
"I don't believe this; this is a bunch of monkey crap; they BROKE the Rock's ROLEX!"
--The Rock ranting after breaking in on Mankind's interview
THE ROCK: "All the Rock's fans are chanting his name..."
CROWD: "Rock-y! Rock-y! Rock-y!..."
MANKIND (slightly out of sync with the crowd): "Rock-y! Rock-y!..."
"Like all of a sudden, nobody knows The Rock talks trash? The Rock lives, breathes, walks, talks trash all day long! As a matter of fact, Undertaker,The Rock talks trash in his sleep!"
"You keep your head right there, jabroni; don't move The Rock's electrifying T-shirt! Now the Rock says this--The Rock said, don't move your head!"
-- The Rock after placing a T-shirt over Michael Cole's head
THE ROCK:"The Rock's not even listening to you! The Rock can't even hear himself talk, for Christ's sake..."
MANKIND: "Umm...roody poo!"
"You stand now, before The Rock, looking at The Rock, gawking at The Rock, wanting to go one-on-one with 'The Great One?' And now, in front of all The Rock's fans, you want to serve The Rock a great, big piece of that poontang pie?"
THE ROCK: "Before you come in here and start putting little stickers on the Rock's shirt and putting little streamers all over the Rock, the Rock just wants to know-- what is your name?"
ROCK: "It doesn't MATTER what your name is!"
MANKIND: "Hey, hold it right there! It certainly does matter what her name is, and I'll tell you why! I tried real hard and I went to a lot of expense and time and effort to make this night real special for you! And one by one, you're going to insult my guests and make this night a bad night for me? Sometimes I think you're a very ungrateful little man, Rock!"
"Naturally, The Rock is appreciative to all of his fans, but to you...The Rock's birthday's May second, you stupid son of a bitch!"
--The Rock to Mankind
"You still like to cook? Still like to bake bread? And you know your rolls, right?"
--The Rock to Mrs. Griffith; Mankind is cracking up in the background
"Do you remember how, all year long, the only thing Rock wanted to do in your class was make pancakes?"
--The Rock to Mrs. Griffith, his sixth grade home economics teacher
"The Rock says this. You should know your role, and shut your mouth; take a little walk down Know Your Role Boulevard, hang that right on Jabroni Drive, and check your Aunt Jemima, no-pancake-having ass directly into the Smackdown Hotel!"
--The Rock to Mrs. Griffith
"If you wouldn't mind, Coach, The Rock would like to do something special with that whistle. The Rock would like to take that whistle you got, that very whistle you just put to your lips, shine it up real nice, turn that sumbitch sideways, and stick it straight up your candy ass!"
--The Rock to his old high school football coach
THE ROCK: "We used to kiss a little bit...lotta tongue; you used to love the Rock's tongue, didn't you?"
LAWLER: "Ha! I knew it!"
THE ROCK: "Remember how you used to nibble on The Rock's ear, on The Rock's neck, and whisper to The Rock, 'Hey Rock, go for it! Go for second base!' And as The Rock put his hand ever so gently on your knee, slid his hand up inch-by-inch, what did you do? You CUT THE ROCK OFF ON SECOND BASE!"
--The Rock (plus a comment from Lawler) to his old girlfriend
"The Rock has just one thing to say to you... poontang your ass on out of here!"
--The Rock to his old girlfriend
"Look at you just looking at the Rock, gawking at the Rock; you ought to be ashamed of yourself, a woman your age looking at the Rock!"
--The Rock, to an old lady backstage
OLD LADY: "Today's my birthday!"
THE ROCK: "It is?"
OLD LADY: "Yes!"
THE ROCK: "Well, happy birthday. What is your name?"
OLD LADY: "Louise."
THE ROCK: "IT-- (bites back hard on the traditional comeback) Louise; well, it's good to meet you, Louise."
THE ROCK: "The Rock was minding his own business, walking in the building; was not scheduled to layeth the smacketh down tonight; he was singing a happy birthday song to...uhh... what was that old lady's name again?"
MICHAEL COLE: "I think it was--"
THE ROCK: "It doesn't MATTER what her name was!"
"Louise, 'you like pancakes? You got a little funny feeling in your stomach, right here, lower abdomen? Well, it's probably gas, Louise, because a woman your age gets that every once in a while, but the Rock says this. There's something you can do; you go right down to the drugstore, you buy the biggest bottle of Maalox, you turn it sideways-- never mind, Louise..."
-- The Rock to an old lady backstage by the name of Louise
"WrestleMania XV, the Brahma Bull against the Rattlesnake. It does not get any better than that. Stone Cold Steve Austin, as far as the The Rock is concerned, the greatest book ever written is entitled 'The Brahma Bull vs. The Rattlesnake.' And the beauty of this novel is that it has infinite chapters. Which means it never ends. It also means, for the rest of your natural life, The Rock will be kicking your monkey crap ass all over God's Green Earth... And when it's all said and done, all the smoke has cleared, and the millions and the millions of The Rock's fans have finished chanting his name... and you and The Rock float up to that big World Wrestling Federation ring in the sky, and you extend your hand and say, "Hey Rock, thanks for the memories..." don't be surprised if The Rock looks at you, raises The People's Eyebrow, shakes your hand right back and says, 'No, Stone Cold... thank you for the memories.' And then, Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock will take his other hand and slap the tase right out of your mouth for being the biggest piece of Trailer Park Trash walking God's Blue Heaven!"
- The Rock, to Stone Cold Steve Austin, talking about their showdown at WrestleMania XV
The Rock is interviewed by the original women involved in a presidential scandal with Bill Clinton, Gennifer Flowers. This took place before The Rock's Intercontinental Title defense against Ken Shamrock at WrestleMania XIV (14) on March 29, 1998, live from Boston, MASS. Here is the interview:
Gennifer Flowers: I'm here with the Intercontinental Champion--
The Rock: Whoa, actually, Genny, it's The People's Intercontinental Champion.
GF: Excuse me... The People's Intercontinental Champion, The Rock. Now, Rock, the people want to know--if you were the leader of this country, how would you run things?
TR: Well, actually, Genny, The Rock feels like this. First and foremost, the term "leader" is really beneath The Rock. The Rock fells like a more appropriate term would... "ruler."
GF: OK, if you were the ruler, how would you handle the homeless situation?
TR: I'll tell you what, Genny, that's a touchy subject for The Rock, the homeless situation in America. The Rock feels like this: as long as The Rock still has his palatial palace down on South Beach in Miami, FL, he really couldn't give a damn whether they live in a Frigidaire box or a Kenmore box. As long as those homeless pieces of trash keep their cardboard boxess off The Rock's freshly mowed grass, everything will be copathetic.
GF: Well, how about the judicial system?
TR: Well, first and foremost, as long as The Rock's fans across the country realize that The Rock is the judge and the jury, everything should be fine. Actually, after The Rock has contemplated that for a second, if The Rock were the jury, nine times out of ten he'd be a hung jury... if ya smell what The Rock is cookin'.
GF: How would you run the White House?
TR: Tough job, tough question. But The Rock of course is up to answering it. The Rock fells like this: As long as all the interns in the White House, beneath The Rock, knew their damn role, and they didn't get out of hand, step out of line, and they didn't do anything orally wrong--excuse me, Genny--morally wrong, then The Rock wouldn't have to do what he does best, and that's lay the smackdown in a major way. Thank you very much, Genny.
KEVIN KELLY: "I'm wondering if, at this time, maybe you wanted to retract your statement--" (the Rock spins on Kelly and stares at him) "--where you called the Big Show a jabroni."
JERRY LAWLER: "Uh-oh."
THE ROCK (subdued): "Yes... the Rock DOES want to retract his statement. The Big Show is not a jabroni."
JERRY LAWLER (also watching from ringside): "Wow."
KEVIN KELLY: "Well, I know that--"
THE ROCK: "But what the Big Show IS, is a seven-foot, five-hundred-pound, steaming, stinking, steaming stinking pile of grade-A monkey crap!"
--What The Rock's lips read after Mankind swears to dedicate himself to the Rock and Sock Connection
THE ROCK: "DX, the Rock says, he's kicked your candy asses for years! And on to the Radicals; on to Benoit, on to Malenko, on to Guerrero, on to Saturn, on to Pluto, on to Nepture, on to Uranus, oh it doesn't MATTER what your names are!"
LAWLER: "Your Anus?!"
-The Rock and Jerry Lawler
MANKIND: "I've got something important I want to get off my chest... I don't want to mince words, but I'm going to come right out and say it."
THE ROCK (sitting with a hand against his ear): "Sure, sure."
MANKIND: "I think we should just call it quits..."
THE ROCK: "Absolutely."
MANKIND: "Break up the Connection..."
THE ROCK: "You sure you want to do that, though?"
MANKIND: "It's just that there's so many other kids who need my help, who need my guidance, and you...you're almost there!"
THE ROCK: "Right...Bulldog feels that way as well, too."
MANKIND: "You're going to make it on your own!"
THE ROCK: "Right..."
MANKIND: "You're going to BE somebody!"
THE ROCK: "Hold on one second." (takes the cell phone away from his ear and looks at Mankind) "Who are you TALKING to?"
MANKIND (standing): "Hey, don't get excited. I'm just here to say that..." (claps the Rock on the shoulder) "You're gonna be all right, kid! If you ever need me, I'll be there!" (walks out)
THE ROCK (back on the phone): "It's that Mankind...he's half-retarded; you know that..."
THE ROCK: "You think you impress the Rock because, a couple of months ago, you were down south beating some jabroni named Juventud?"
LAWLER: "Who's Juventud? Do you have any idea?"
MICHAEL COLE: "No clue."
--The Rock, to Chris Jericho
"The Rock says, you and that jabroni you got with you, Curtis Hughes, come on out here. Jericho, you bend over, and the Rock will take the entire Curtis Hughes, turn that sumbitch sideways, and stick it straight up your candy ass!"
"You want to keep your jerk-off dad out of The Rock's ring
--The Rock to Chris Jericho, after a fan dressed like Jericho get?" in the ring
THE ROCK: "Let the Rock make one thing perfectly clear. He never WANTED the Rock and Sock Con--"
MANKIND: "Wait, wait! I know you never wanted the Rock and Sock Connection to break up..."
MANKIND: "It's a great day because even though we saw the postponement of Test's and Stephanie's wedding, in some ways I feel like we just had a marriage take place right in here!"
(The Rock's eyes go huge)
THE ROCK: "Are you implying to the Rock that you are asking for his hand in MARRIAGE?!"
MANKIND: "No, it's a figure of speech, kind of. I just meant that, unlike all those other..."
THE ROCK: "First and foremost, Mick, the Rock is not coom-see coom-saw! And the Rock could care less if you want to offer him a piece of that poontang pie!"
LAWLER: "Ha! Tossed salad!"
MANKIND: "Rock, I'm not a biology major but I don't think I have any poontang..."
THE ROCK: "They all want the Rock to raise the People's Eyebrow, they all want the Rock to drop the People's Elbow, layeth the smacketh down with the Rock Bottom, and they want to hear without a shadow of a doubt the most electrifying line in sports entertainment, period. And here it is... "To BE the man, WHOOO, you've got to beat the man..."
CROWD: (huge pop)
THE ROCK: "No, that's not it. That's not it, jabroni. This is it: "OOOOhhhhh YEEEAAAahh DIG IT!"
THE ROCK: "No, that's not it either. This is it... "Whatcha gonna do, when the TWENTY-FOUR INCH pythons..." That's not it either. (pause) If ya SMELLLLLLLLALALALALALAOW what The Rock is cooking..."
LAWLER: "That's it!"
--The Rock imitating the WCW roster
"Last night, when The Rock swung the sledgeahmmer, it was NOT meant for Stone Cold, but it was meant for Triple H's roody poo, candy ass! Now Triple H, at Survivor Series, when The Rock is whoopin' and kickin' your monkey ass all over that arena, every single Rock fan, just like now, they will be standing on their feet, electricity running through their body, and they will all be chanting The Rock's name!"
"ROCKY ROCKY ROCKY..."
(MANKIND finds the Rock in a locker room)
MANKIND: "Rocky! Thanks goodness I find you. Man, have I got a surprise for you! Listen Rock-- later tonight, the tag team championships are on the line; the Rock and Sock Connection--"
THE ROCK: "Whoa, whoa-- what are you talking about?"
MANKIND: "The belts!"
THE ROCK: "Listen, the Rock is not concerned about the WWF Tag Team titles. The Rock is concerned about the Rock's belt, the WWF title. That's it."
MANKIND: "Rock, there'll be time for that later, but don't lose sight of the big picture! The big picture is, the fans want to see the Rock and Sock Connection. Listen, I know you're hurt; I was there last night; you were in my thoughts last night! So what I'm gonna do for you-- and I'm no dummy, I realize you've been carrying this team-- tonight it's my turn to get back. Against the Hollies? It's my turn to show you what Mankind is all about. Listen--"
THE ROCK: "Whoa, whoa-- who are the Hollies?"
MANKIND: "Crash? Hardcore? Used to be--"
THE ROCK (growing impatient): "What exactly do you want here?"
MANKIND (handing over his book): "I want to give you this, just like you asked for this bad boy. A pre-copy of my book, just like you said, "To the Great One, Rock and Sock forever, your friend and financial part--"
THE ROCK: "Yeah, wonderful, that's great. Where is the Rock in this book?"
THE ROCK: "Two-thirty? That's all the Rock needs to know." (takes the book) "Thank you VERY much Mick; really appreciate it..."
MANKIND: "Wait, wait! In case you don't finish that bad boy in one sitting, I got a little bookmark for you!" (digs out of his pocket a soiled and wrinkled Mr. Rocko) "Who's THAT peeking his face out there? Look what I got back for you last night!" (The Rock turns away in disbelief) "While you were busy in your injury and misery, I won back Mr. Rocko for you!"
THE ROCK: "You want the Rock to actually TOUCH that?"
MANKIND: "Well, I gave it a little rinse-eroo at the Super 8 sink last night."
THE ROCK: "The Rock will tell you what. Since you won it, then you keep Mr. Rocko."
MANKIND: "Do you EVER stop giving?"
LAWLER (at ringside): "You-- you-- IDIOT, Mankind!"
VINCE McMAHON: "Triple H, I asked you out here for your opinion, that's all. Do you want to face The Rock at Survivor Series, or do you want to face Stone Cold Steve Austin at Survivor Series? What is your opinion?"
TRIPLE H: "Vince, you know what I think? I--"
THE ROCK: "It doesn't MATTER what your opinion is!"
MANKIND (addressing the Rock, who is sitting in a locker room): "Hey Rock? How could you do that?" (the Rock looks up, then away) "How COULD YOU?!"
THE ROCK (stands up, surprised by Mankind's tone): "How could the Rock do what?"
MANKIND: "I give you a present, I give you something I've worked hard on, and you just throw it away?"
ROCK: "What are you talking about, your book?"
MANKIND (pulling his mask off and throwing it into the lockers): "NO, it's not ABOUT my book! It's my LIFE! It's MY work, it's MY blood, MY sweat, MY tears; and you would TAKE it, and you would throw it AWAY?!"
ROCK: "Mick, the Rock doesn't know what you're talking ab--"
MANKIND: "GODDAMMIT!" (wrestles off Rock 'n' Sock Connection jacket as the USA censors take a few liberties) "This isn't about the Rock and Sock Connection; it's about the fact that I give, I give, I give, and you keep on taking! And so I say to you, Dwayne, I say you piss on everything I believe in, I say piss on YOU, you self-centered, egotistical... self-righteous son OF A BITCH!!"
ROCK: "Whoa whoa whoa, you want to come in here and run your mouth at the Rock; barge in on the Rock? Well, the Rock says this--"
MANKIND: "No, *I* say this! I say this! I say I don't want to know you, I don't want to fight you, Rock; I don't want to work with you, I don't want to even know you exist! So one last time, I walk down the aisle tonight. And after that, EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING, you and me, no more. You live with that, and GROW UP!"
"Now the stage is set! Survivor Series, 1999, Triple H, the Game, facing The People's champion. Triple H, you think that The Rock will let you get away for one single solitary second? Putting a sledgehammer to these ribs? Well, these aren't just anybody's ribs. These are The ROCK's ribs, these are the GREAT ONE's ribs... and dammit, these are the PEOPLE's ribs."
THE ROCK: "Austin, at Survivor Series, the Rock says, he's gonna take your little rattlesnake..."
LAWLER: "I don't think that'd be a little one, J.R.; rattlesnakes are pretty big!"
THE ROCK: "He's gonna tie that little sumbitch up in a knot..."
"Triple H and Austin, in the past and in the future, the Rock has dragged both your monkey asses down that long, long boulevard called Know Your Role..."
"The Rock says this: British Bulldog, you think you're just going to have your way with The Rock; you think the Rock is just another roody-poo standing on the corner of Know Your Role Boulevard and Jabroni Drive? At No Mercy, you're just going to go on to the WWF Title? Well, The Rock says this-- nobody cares about you! British Bulldog, it doesn't matter who you are, it doesn't matter what you are, it doesn't matter what you say; it just DOESN'T MATTER. But what matters is, British Bulldog, is that the Rock will prove his point-- they only care about ONE MAN being the WWF champion, and here in Atlanta, Georgia, now aptly named Rock-lanta, they all feel The Rock's electricity. Forty thousand of The Rock's screaming fans, all in unison, all at the same time, they all chant The Rock's name!"
MANKIND: "After we spoke, I had a little heart-to-heart with myself, I did some deep thinking, I did some serious soul-searching, I looked at the man in the mirror, and do you know what I saw?"
THE ROCK: "Well, The Rock knows what you saw--two hundred and eighty pounds of monkey crap!"
THE ROCK: "What's going on with YOU?"
MANKIND: "I'm all right-- Rock! Rock! Just one time... you go out there, and you win one for The Micker!"
THE ROCK: "Who in the hell's the Micker?...Idiot..."
-- The Rock and Mankind; Mankind is sprawled out on the floor after an attack courtesy of Val Venis and The British Bulldog
"X-Pac, The Rock says, you want to come down The People's Aisle carrying your little can of Energy drink? Well, seeing as you like that can so much, The Rock says, he's gonna take that little green and black can, dump all the liquid out, fill it back up with monkey piss, turn that sumbitch sideways, and stick it straight up your candy ass!"
"There is a jabroni running around the WWF, the Rock's home, with a sock with the Rock's face on it stuffed in his crotch! Val Venis, you think that you impress the Rock? You stuff the sock, Rocko or whatever you call it, in your pants? That is like blowing your nose on the Constitution! WIPING YOUR ASS with the American flag! The Rock says this--you think you impress the Great One? Why? Because you've made a couple of coom-see, coom-saw adult movies?! Well, the Rock says this-- tonight the Rock is going to play movie director. He's going to let you see firsthand the unedited, uncut version, of the Rock laying the smackdown on your CANDY ASS!"
"And you walk down the Rock's ramp and you step over the top rope, like that's supposed to impress somebody! And then, Big Show, you do something that is, without the shadow of a doubt, the most impressive thing the Rock's seen, and that's this-- (lifts hand in the air, Big Show-style and moans) huuuaaaagh!"
-- The Rock continuing to diss the Big Show
MICHAEL COLE: "Rock... Great One... the Big Boss Man has challenged you to a hardcore match tonight, the winner to become number one contender for the World Wrestling Federation title. Do you accept?"
(The Rock puts his hand in Michael Cole's face to shut him up)
CROWD: "Rock-y! Rock-y! Rock-y!"
THE ROCK: "Finally, the Rock, HAS COME BACK to Pittsburgh! The Rock says this. Does the Rock accept the Boss Man's challenge? Hardcore match for the WWF number one contender spot? Well, considering the mood that the Rock is in, you're damn right. That's exactly the type of match the Rock wants, exactly the type of match that makes the Rock's bacon sizzle. So you're damn right, you got--"
(The Rock glares at a pair of detectives that have come up behind Michael Cole)
DETECTIVE #1: "Excuse me..."
THE ROCK: "Speaking of bacon..."
(Michael Cole looks appropriately nervous)
DETECTIVE #1: "Are you aware that the car that hit Stone Cold was registered in your name?"
(Michael Cole's eyes go wide)
LAWLER and J.R (from ringside): "What?!"
THE ROCK: "Of course, jabronis, the Rock is aware! If you wouldn't have been aware yesterday, and not at Dunkin Donuts stuffing your faces with all the donuts..." (crowd pops) "The Rock says this-- he called it in yesterday that the Rock's car was stolen. So the Rock just wants to know..." (The Rock presents his wrists to the detectives) "Are you going to arrest the Great One?"
DETECTIVE #2: "No, you're not under arrest. We just have some questions to ask you."
THE ROCK: "Exactly, because there is no REASON to arrest the Great One. The Rock says this-- you have the nerve to come in front of the Rock and interrupt the Rock, and you two jabronis don't even have enough CLASS to introduce yourself?"
(the crowd pops)
THE ROCK (looking one of the detectives up and down): "What is your name?"
DETECTIVE #1 (extending his hand): "Detective--"
THE ROCK: "It doesn't MATTER what your name is!"
THE ROCK: "The Rock says this-- right now, as the Rock speaks, there are literally millions..."
CROWD: "And millions!"
THE ROCK: "Of Rock's fans, and if you all just know your role, SHUT your mouth; you, you, and especially you, in four seconds, they will all chant the Rock's name!"
CROWD: "Rock-y! Rock-y! Rock-y!"
LAWLER: "They didn't even wait four seconds!"
THE ROCK: "Now, seeing as you jabronis really want to find out who was driving the Rock's stolen car..."
DETECTIVE #2 (lifting his pad of paper and pen): "Yes we do, sir."
THE ROCK: "Well, the Rock has one question for you. Write this down; do you like donuts?"
DETECTIVE #2 (lowering the pad with a long-suffering expression): "Sure, we like donuts."
THE ROCK: "What's your favorite donut?"
DETECTIVE #2: "Jelly."
THE ROCK: "Oh, you like jelly. Well, jelly's a good one. The Rock says this; write this down. When you leave here, go down to Dunkin Donuts, get the biggest jelly donut you can find!"
(crowd pops louder)
LAWLER: "Oh, no... this guy's a COP!"
THE ROCK: "Write it down. Hold that jelly donut up, SQUEEZE all the jelly out, squeeze all the-- write it down; you like writing things down-- squeeze all the jelly out, and then-- write this down, you don't want to forget this-- TURN that sumbitch sideways, and stick it STRAIGHT UP your CANDY ASS!"
(crowd pops huge)
LAWLER: "No respect for the law."
THE ROCK (adjusts his pants and straightens his jacket): "So the Rock says this! If you don't write anything else down, you definitely want to write this down in big bold letters; if ya smell what the Rock is cooking!"
"Now The Rock says, Vince, you want to appoint yourself the special guest referee at Survivor Series? Well, the Rock does indeed smell what you're cooking, and quite frankly, it smells like the biggest pile of monkey CRAP The Rock has ever seen! Now, The Brahma Bull and The Rattlesnake don't agree on much, but one thing we damn sure agree on-- and that is to never, AND THE ROCK MEANS never, ever, trust a ROODY POO, CANDY ASS!"
"One brahma bull, two brahma bulls, three brahma bulls... you jabronis hit the jackpot! And then all of a sudden, you're jumping around like a bunch of idiots-- Undertaker, with his Mickey Mouse tattoos and his thirty-three pound head, jumping around screaming like a girl! (mimicks a high-pitched whiny scream)... Kane running around doing cartwheels, scaring everybody in the casino... (pretends to put an electronic voicebox to his throat and speaks in his retarded voice) "I won, I won, let's party!" And the biggest goof of them all, the Big Slow, sits there scaring all of the Rock's fans! (imitates the Big Show's in-ring yell) And then, the doors open and the Rock arrives..."
-The Rock :
**This is "Y2J" Chris Jericho's debut night in the WWF. He interrupts an interview with The Rock.**
**Y2J does a good introductory promo speech, considering that this is his first night in the WWF.** This is what The Rock has to say about Y2J's speech.**
The Rock: "After three boring minutes, The Rock says know your role and shut your mouth. How dare you, little jabroni, come on The Rock's show (Smackdown!) and not even have the class to introduce yourself. What is your name?
Y2J: "I told you, it's..."
The Rock: (interrupts him) "It doesn't matter what your name is! The Rock says that you talk about your Y2J plan. Well, The Rock has a little plan of his own. He calls it the KY Jelly plan, which means that The Rock is going to take his size 13 boot, lube it up real good turn that sum-bitch sideways, and stick it straight up your candy@$$! If ya smmmmmellllllllllll... what The Rock... is cookin'!"
"The thought of another DX night makes The Rock want to stick his finger down his throat and spew the people's vomit."
-The Rock, WWF RAW IS WAR (February 21, 2000)
"Go back to Supercuts and get your $5 back, jabroni.
-The Rock, to the Big Show, WWF RAW IS WAR (January 31, 2000)
"It sounds to 'The Great One' that 15,000 of The Rock's fans are callin' you a slut!"
-The Rock, to Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley (January 10, 2000
"That's 10 pounds of monkey crap in a 5 pound bag!"
-The Rock referring to Big Show
"Unfortuantely, he has a disease called the lack of testicalitis!"
-The Rock referring to Big Show
"I kicked Kane between the legs, and it felt like I was kicking a pillow!"
"A monkey went into the ring, took a crap, and out came Mankind!"
"Why don't you take your damn sock, put it on your hand, feel what's between your legs and see what's there?"
-The Rock to Mankind
"Wait, wait, wait! The Rock's got four donuts for you jabronis!"
-The Rock when he got arrested on Raw
January 29, 2001 (WWF RAW IS WAR):
"Kurt Angle, your gonna have to forgive The Rock for interrupting your homecoming. But The Rock couldn't help listening to what you were saying, but quite frankly The Rock came out here to correct you. Number one: to actually say that you had something to do with Mario Lamieux's return, to actually say you had something to do with Mario Lamieux's success here in Pittsburgh...let's see. How can The Rock put this nicely? Actually frankly speaking, it's the biggest bucket of penguin piss The Rock has ever seen. And secondly, you come out here and you call yourself rolemodel, hero, and champion. While all of those might be true you are forgetting to call yourself...one little thing. And thats the biggest roody-poo, bug eyed, milk-drinkin', suck ass, kiss ass, one hundred percent grade A candyass The Rock has ever seen! Kurt Angle, you show your footage of things you have said in the past. So The Rock went out...and found some footage of his own. Kurt Angle we all know you don't like pie, but do you like...pizza?" Kurt begins to answer... "Shut your mouth and roll the footage!" **Footage of an old pizza commercial with Kurt Angle in it is shown** "Kurt, what in the blue hell was that? But before you answer that, Kurt Angle earlier tonight you said 'It Doesn't Matter' who the four participants are in tonight's Fatal Four Way matchup. Did you say that?" Angle starts to answer... "It doesn't matter who you say it doesn't matter! You see Kurt Angle it does matter, it really matters because one of the participants tonight Kurt Angle, the winning participant...is The Rock. And once tonight...and once tonight The Rock wins that Fatal Four Way matchup, then you're going to go one on one with The Great One and The Rock is gonna whip that ass on Smackdown!! And once The Rock is finished whipping that ass you can come back to Pittsburgh as an ex-champion, as a ex-hero with your big fat mouth and all your glory and one big pizza and *kiss* Mamamia, stick it straight up your candyass! If ya smell....." **Rock is interupted**
RAW IS WAR: January 15, 2001-- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's Birthday: The Rock's Tribute To Martin Luther King Jr.
"The Rock has dreeam, has a dreeam that he's winning the Royal Rumble, going on to WrestleMania and from coast to coast, Wisconsin to China, and back to Wisconsin! Sea to shining sea, The Rock one more time on top of the mountaintop, WWF Champion! And you see just like Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr had a dream, well we all have dreams, but there has been one dream that has become a reality to The Rock, one dream thats becoming true to The Rock. Day after day, night after night, 24 hours a day,.... 7 days a week, 365 days a year, and that one dream is The Rock forever whipping ass, whipping ass....Thank God Almighty, The Rock is whipping ass! If ya smell....what The Rock is cooking!"
"Big Show, you think you impress the Rock? Let the Rock make something perfectly clear to you. You have NEVER, and the Rock means NEVER, impressed the Rock. From the time your crappy music hits-- (sung) well, it's the Big Slow-- (spoken) and every single Rock fan stops, pauses, and takes a look, and they all say this: I'm going to take a leak; this guy sucks!"
-- The Rock dissing the Big Show
MANKIND: "If the Undertaker and the Big Show can find the testicular fortitude to put their tag team titles on the line tonight, Mankind would like to become The People's Partner! Just think about it, Rock-- Mankind and the Rock together, with the millions (pause) and millions of the Rock's fans, and the dozens (pause) of Mankind's fans; together, we will stand side by side and lay the smackdown--"
THE ROCK: "Whoa, whoa! The Rock says, he knows what your crazy ass will do. So tonight, the Rock says, one time, you will be The People's Partner-- but the Rock says this. Don't you ever, AND THE ROCK MEANS ever, steal the Rock's phrases again!"
ROCK: “If you smeeeeellll...”
ROCK: “Hey! What did the Rock just tell you?”
"The Rock says this-- Big Show, you come on down (starts moaning in mockery of the Big Show)-- you do all that. Undertaker, you come on down (rolls eyes up in his head) -- die, die, die; all that stupid crap over and over again!"
"Kane, you think you impress the Rock when your music hits, and all the lights go out? You've got fire coming out of the posts, fire shooting out of your ass..."
"Kane can talk! The Big Red Retard can finally speak!"
THE ROCK: "My name is Kane... and I am a roody-poo candy ass!"
J.R.: "I don't think Kane would say that at all, King."
"You like champagne with little bubbles. 'You like bubbles? Well, bubble your ass out of here!"
-- The Rock to Terri Runnels
THE ROCK: "The Rock says this, Michael Cole jabroni! How do you feel about the match?"
MICHAEL COLE: "Well--"
THE ROCK: "It doesn't MATTER how you feel!"
"Where are you, Triple H? Maybe you're in the women's bathroom! Well, you're not in here, but The Rock knows you pee sitting down!"
THE ROCK: "Triple H, you've got five seconds, AND THE ROCK MEANS five seconds, to come out here and face the Rock, or the Rock will go back there, and whip your monkey ass all over the Fleet Center!"
LAWLER: "One thousand one...one thousand two..."
"Shawn Michaels, The Rock says this: you run your mouth, you little jabroni roody-poo! You run your mouth: (whines) Well, the sherriff's in town! The sherriff's back in town!"
"Friends? Uh-uh, absolutely not. The Rock is gonna layeth the smacketh down on ALL their candy asses! (turns to Mankind) And make no mistake about it; the Rock will take that goofy mask you got on, turn that sumbitch sideways, and stick it straight up your candy ass!" (Mankind winces)
"Undertaker, The Rock wants you to come out, and The Rock will admire all your little Mickey Mouse tattoos. (pause for crowd chants) And then, Big Show, as you're bent over, Undertaker, the Rock says you take your thirty-three pound head, turn that sum-bitch sideways, and stick it straight up Big Show's ass!"
"And the Undertaker; you think you impress somebody? Well the Rock's-- get a shot of the Rock on the screen!"
IMPORTANT NOTE: By the word, "screen," The Rock means Titan Tron.
MICHAEL COLE: "Socko!"
THE ROCK: "I'm gonna take that sock, turn it sideways, spit on it, and stick it straight up his candy ass!"
MICHAEL COLE: "You should know, Rock; you've had it in you before."
THE ROCK: "Well, so has the Rock's boot been in you. So, shut your mouth."
"Now, Bad Ass, you run your mouth about Summerslam. Well, here's the situation. The Rock says this: if the Rock hits you, he'll kill you. If he misses, the wind behind the punch will give you pneumonia and you'll die anyway, so the choice is yours, jabroni!"
-- The Rock, to Biilly Gunn
"This was the chick who went ahead and massaged your little bitty pimply ass for an hour, but not with the oriental, herbal, ass-leaves, whatever the hell you were talking about, for this chick rubbed your ass with the People's poison ivy!"
-- The Rock, to Billy Gunn
"And right before your match with the Great One, you're gonna stand behind the curtain, and your music will start-- (sung) Well, I'm an asshole!"
-- The Rock, to Billy Gunn
THE ROCK: "Or, the Rock figured he could walk down the People's ramp, just like this... surrounded by the millions (pause) of the Rock's fans, all chanting his name! (crowd chants) Find some jabroni to hold his glasses... come here, jabroni. Hold the Rock's glasses. Maybe embarrass him on national TV... how you doing? IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW YOU'RE DOING!!"
LAWLER: "That was great!"
-- The Rock and Lawler
THE ROCK: "If you smeeeell what the Rock is cooking!"
LAWLER: "Well, I smell something, but I still think it might be Rock's big cellulite ass!"
J.R.: "Oh, please."
LAWLER: "Did you see it?"
(cameras switch backstage, where Mark Henry is warily eyeing a plate of health food before him)
LAWLER: "Speaking of cellulite..."
THE ROCK: "He's crying like a woman; he should be going after the women's title. Shut up, Michael Cole!"
LAWLER: "Yeah, shut up, Michael Cole!"
MICHAEL COLE: "Welcome, Rock!"
THE ROCK: "Shut up; you don't need to welcome the Rock to anything."
"Who is booking this crap? The Rock against Billy Gunn; The Rock against Gangrel. Next week, they'll be having the Rock laying the smackdown on The Brooklyn Brawler, for Christ's sake."
Big Show, last night on Sunday Night Heat, you did something you should never have done, and that was put your big, sweaty palms on the People's Champion."
THE ROCK: "They're chanting the Rock's name; shut up, Michael Cole, and listen!"
LAWLER: "You can't get Michael Cole to shut up, ever."
Rock and Kevin Kelly
"Rock and Taker unexpectedly became tag team champions? Unexpectedly? Let The Rock ask you a question, Kevin Kelly. Was The Rock in the match?"
"Did The Rock lay the smackdown?"
Are you a man with no testicles?"
"Yes, you don't have testicles? No. No, you don't have testicles? Oh, shut your mouth!
Christmas Edition of RAW IS WAR:
"Afraid? Afraid? Kevin Kelly you actually stand there and ask The Rock is he afraid of taking the last ride from the Undertaker. Well let The Rock remind you of a couple of things. You see The Rock has already taken the last ride from Undertaker and considering how The Rock felt after taking the last ride, The Rock will just assume as to avoid the last ride all together. And even though The Rock respects the Undertaker, even though The Rock can see right past Vince McMahon's little games he's trying to play. Despite all that, the fact still remains that The Rock is afraid of NO ONE! But you see The Rock doesn't want to talk about what he is afraid of, no. The Rock wants to talk about what makes him happy. Seeing as this is Christmas.... and seeing as this is Christmas..it reminds The Rock of his very favorite Christmas story enitled, 'Rocky, The People's Reindeer'. You see Rocky, the reindeer was very large and very tall, and unlike Kevin Kelly he actually had a set of balls. All the other jabroni reindeer used to be so jealous and look at him in vain because they couldn't stand the fact that all the people would be chanting his name........Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa was drunk and full of gas. So Rocky took his big bag of toys and shoved them straight up Santa's candyass! You see Undertaker, considering this is Christmas and The Rock has more thing to say....'You better...not laugh, better not cry, better not pout Rock's tellin' you why. Brahma Bull is coming to town.' Undertaker...never ever forget that your yard will always be on the People's planet. Merry Christmas Undertaker! Merry Christmas!"
"And just like your wife, Stephanie, is a bargain basement bitch!"
-The Rock, to Triple H
"We do slapstick... steel chairs, garbage cans... and our guys live to fight another day."
-The Rock, in an online MTV chat (August 2, 2000)
"Let The Rock get this straight. You invited The Rock to speak at the Republican National Convention? Well, The Rock says this: What is the matter with you people?
- The Rock, to the Republican National Convention delegates (August 10, 2000)
"He is an extremist who represents a very radical group, and if they don't like The Rock of the WWF... that is why they make channel changers."
-The Rock, about PTC (Parents Television Council) Chairman L. Brent Bozell, on CNN (August 2, 2000)
"The Rock says you absolutely suck."
-The Rock to Triple H, WWF RAW IS WAR (February 21, 2000)
"I'm gonna stick your head so far up your ass your gonna have to cut holes in your nipples to see!" - The Rock
(To The Tune Of Happy Birthday) "Happy Birthday To Steph, You're a Hoe with Big Breasts, so take the Night off from Hooking... If ya Smell what The Rock's cooking!"
"The Rock says, they didn't keep you (Triple H) at the bottom of the barrel just because you wanted to say goodbye to your roody poo friends in Madison Square Garden,no. The Rock says, they kept you at the bottom of the barrel because you absolutely suck."
"God, this is Billy. I just won the King of the Ring, but everyone still hates me because I absolutely suck!" -The Rock
"Now, Bad Ass, you run your mouth about Summerslam. Well, here's the situation. The Rock says this, if the Rock hits you he'll kill you. If he misses, the wind behind the punch will give you pneumonia and you'll die anyway,so the choice is yours jabroni." -The Rock
"Take a little walk down Know You Role Boulevard, hang that right on Jabroni Drive, and then proceed to check your Aunt Jemima no-pancake-havin' ass di-rectly into the Smackdown Hotel!" -The Rock
"Kurt Angle, you think you're really special because you've cashed in on the services of one Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley, a two dollar no, a fifty cent no, buy two get one free does any one have change for a nickel skank ass slut?" -The Rock
Rock: The great one says you can kiss his ass.
Mankind: Hey, Rock. I gave that up for lent.
"What the hell is wrong with you? Quit rubbin' yourself!" - The Rock to Goldust (King of the Ring, 6/23/02)
"The Rock thinks you can suck on a monkey's nipple."
(Waits. Pushes Cole away.)
What are you waiting for? Go find a monkey. -Rock
The Rock to Triple H: "You're boring and you suck."
"I'm gonna stick your head so far up your ass your gonna have to cut holes in your nipples to see!" - The Rock
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Please let them finish calling you an asshole.
- The Rock referring to the crowd calling Kurt Angle an asshole
Lilian: Rock, we heard the news earlier today. You're gonna be defending at Unforgiven, your WCW title against Shane McMahon and Booker T. How do you feel about that?
The Rock: Who are you just Barbara Walters all of a sudden, Lilian? Since when did you become all business, Lilian? How about a simple 'Hey Rock'. 'How you doin Rock?'. 'Did you enjoy lunch today Rock?'. 'Did you like your pancakes Rock?'. How about something like that.
Lilian: But Rock, like I said, at Unforgiven. You're gonna....
The Rock: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Lilian. Lilian. You need to let your feelings go. The Rock knows you have feelings for him. The Rock knows that you think about The Rock. The Rock knows that you get that funny feeling in the bottom of your stomach, Lilian. The Rock knows that each and every single time you go right out there in the middle of The People's ring and you ring announce, you think about The Rock looking at you. Admit it Lilian, that you go to bed every single night dreaming about marrying The Rock. Dreaming of one day to become Mrs. Lilian 'Rockcia'. Admit it Lilian, you get wet....with perspiration standing this close to The Rock.....Now, Lilian, The Rock knows how you feel about pie. But how do you feel about strudel? Lilian, would you like to try some of The Rock's strudel?
Lilian: More than anything in the world, Rock.
The Rock: What in the blue hell is wrong with you? The Rock was just informed that he had a match at Unforgiven. A handicap match between The Rock, Booker T and Shane McMahon and the only thing you can think about and talk about is dessert. A little professionalism Lilian Garcia, please. (Lilian begins to speak) Shh. Shh. Shhhhhh........
Now, Lilian Garcia. Back to your question. How does The Rock feel about Unforgiven? Well, The Rock feels about Unforgiven, just as he feels about tonight's eight man Tag Match, right here in T.O. The Rock feels about 'em just as he feels about everything else and that is simply electrifying. If you smell what The Rock......Lilian, stop thinking about The People's strudel......is cooking.
If you are The Game, then quite frankly, you need to go back to the drawing board because your game absolutely sucks.
- The Rock to Triple H
"For some particular reason, your breath smells like strudle" - Rock to Austin
"Booker and Shane won't be using that noodle; they're probably thinkin' of the people's strudle" - Rock, singing his take of 'Great Ball of Fire', SD 9/20/02
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