"John Laurinaitis sucks at life"

CM Punk: "This Sunday is the 25th anniversary of the Royal Rumble event. And there is a huge WWE title match in store for you people. In one corner: CM Punk, WWE Champion, best wrestler in the world. In the other corner: Dolph Ziggler, self-professed show off, claims to have beaten me three times in the past month. And that's because he have beaten me three times in the last month. But if you really want to get to the route of it, if you wanna be honest about it, each one of those victories was hand-wrapped and delivered by John Laurinaitis, who happens to be the referee for the title match this sunday. Now I... I'm not gonna bore you talking to you about Johnny's full job title. I will describe him in one word: Failure. Johnny Laurinaitis was a failure as a wrestler, he's a failure as an executive... these are all facts, by the way. It's on Wikipedia, I checked it out. He's a failure as human being. John Laurinaitis sucks at life. Uh, of course these are all things I've said to him, to his face, I've said him in his face last week and he did something that shocked me and it shocked the world. I was surprised. It's the first time John Laurinaitis has ever done it. He then told the truth."

[Auf der Leinwand wird ein Ausschnitt aus der letzten Woche gezeigt, in dem John Laurinaitis zugibt, dass er CM Punk beim Titelmatch betrügen werde. Anschließend schlägt er seinen Interviewer Mick Foley mit dem Mikrofon nieder.]

"Now given what we all just witnessed I'd... it's safe to say that John Laurinaitis isn't gonna be much of an unbiased referee this Sunday. Which means if I didn't know better I'd say that I'm pretty good and screwed. Unfortunately for John Laurinaitis I do know better. See, there is a course of action that I could take that will not only get me the desired results but I will have a lot of joy in taking, because I know that it's extremely hard to referee a match with two broken arms.

So... so Johnny, the ball is in your court. Consider this a personal invitation to come out here right now. And I want you to come out here and I want you to say all those things that you said last week, but I want you to say them to my face. I want you to take your balls out of your purse and look me in the eye, and be a man for once. Say these things to my face!"

[Während Punk auf Laurinaitis wartet, erschallen laute 'CM Punk'-Sprechchöre. Laurinaitis erscheint jedoch nicht.]

"I gave you a chance. Now, I'm gonna come find you."

[John Cenas Musik ertönt. Dieser begibt sich zum Ring, wo Punk auf ihn wartet.]

"Uhm... I... I get it, I... I can see how you been confused, I... I'm out here talking about a company man named John, but I didn't want John 'The Boyscout', I want John 'Nobody gives a crap about me' Laurinaitis."

John Cena: "Sorry, I was just sick of hearing you ramble. You're out here to talk, I'm out here for business. Watch and learn!

Mr. Laurinaitis will appear in minutes, because he screwed over Zack Ryder last week, and his United States championship, and tonight he will give Zack Ryder a rematch. That same Mr. Laurinaitis is soon to appear and tonight, right here, will give me a one-on-one contest with Kane, who I will also fight again at the Royal Rumble. Most importantly, Mr. Laurinaitis will soon appear in front of you, in front of the world, and resign as the interim General Manager of Raw."

CM Punk: "Okay, uh it's... that sounds all fine and dandy to me and John Laurinaitis considers himself champion of the people, sounds like that's what the people want. Okay, there you go. We've all spoken. The people have spoken, I've spoken, you've spoken, but I don't see why you coming out here makes you think that he's gonna c..."

John Laurinaitis: [erscheint auf der Rampe] "Just to be clear, ok..."

CM Punk: "Aaaaaaw!"

John Laurinaitis: "Just to be clear, my name is Mr. John Laurinaitis, I'm the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and the interim General Manager of Monday Night Raw."

CM Punk: "What? Huh?"

John Laurinaitis: "Now Cena, Punk, in life we all have our bad days. Sometimes we're not ourselves, and we say and do things that we wish we could take back and we regret. But last week was not one of those days for me. I stand by what I said, and by the way, I'm not gonna be intimidated by neither of you."

CM Punk: "Hang on, hang on a second. I really... I can't hear a word you say. Maybe you would like to come down and get in the ring, and I might be able to hear you better."

John Laurinaitis: "Hey Punk, let's get one thing straight."

CM Punk: "No, no, no, come on! Come on!"

John Laurinaitis: "I don't work for you, you work for me!"

CM Punk: "Come on this way! Come on! Come on! Come in the ring! I can't hear you."

John Laurinaitis: "I'm your boss, I won't listen to you. And John Cena, last week I've made a mistake. And I apologize to Zack, okay? Now fortunately, Zack Ryder is here tonight and is medically cleared to compete. So while you, John Cena, have Kane this Sunday, Zack Ryder will face Kane tonight in a Falls-Count-Anywhere-Match. And John Cena, if you get involved, Zack Ryder will never, and I mean never, get a United States championship rematch. Now since you both seem to be on the same page, I'm ordering you into a tag team match tonight. I just happened to find two opponents that are willing to face you. Now get a referee out here right now! Referee, get out here!"

[Während ein Ringrichter zum Ring eilt, verlässt Laurinaitis die Bühne. Es erscheinen Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger und Vickie Guerrero.]

Vickie Guerrero: "Excuse me! Excuse me! Please welcome the new United States champion Jack Swagger and the future WWE champion Dolph Ziggler!"

Dolph Ziggler: "Punk, you shouldn't be worried about John Laurinaitis. You should be worried about me, because he doesn't need to screw you, because this Sunday, just like three times in the last five weeks and just like tonight, I'm going to flat out beat you."

Jack Swagger: "For what you did to me last week, Cena, you're dead meat!"