"And this is what they call Basic Brockanomics. Eat, Sleep, Suplex, Repeat"

Paul Heyman: "Uhm—ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman and I'm the one behind the one who conquered the one who thought he was the one to beat the one in 21:1. Last night at Summerslam my client didn't just beat, didn't just victimized, my client conquered the titleholder which efforts me, Paul Heyman, the opportunity to proclaim myself the advocate for the brand new reigning, defending, undisputed WWE Heavyweight Champion of the world, BROCK LESNAR! [Buhrufe] Now, let's get down to business, shall we? My client has authorized me to let you know a secret that I don't even think The Authority wants revealed tonight. Which is, ladies and gentlemen, John Cena [Buhrufe] is not here this evening [verhaltender Jubel]. Oh, don't get me wrong. John Cena would be here if John Cena could be here but John Cena can't be here because John Cena can't physically appear and that's all thanks to my client BROCK LESNAR! BROCK LESNAR! Now, I've been in this industry in one form or another since I was fourteen years old and I have never in my life seen a superstar take an asskicking like John Cena took last night at the hands of my client Brock Lesnar.

Now, were not just talking any superstar, we're talking a top superstar and not any top superstar. We're talking THE top superstar, the top superstar of a generation. And just to put this into historical perspective for you, Dwayne ‘The Rock' Johnson's run on top, legendary. How long? Three years? Three and a half years maybe? Stone Cold Steve Austin's run on top [Jubel]. How long? Four years? Four and a half years? There's been one constant in the WWE Title picture. There's been one WrestleMania Main Event that guaranteed almost every year. There's been one man in WWE for the past ten years and that man has been John Cena [Buhrufe]. And you have to give credit where credits due. Any man in that unprecedented position that the 30 seconds last night would have turned the title over to Brock Lesnar. He would've given up, would have tapped out, would have survived the fight another day but no, not John Cena. And as I stood right here, the best seat in the house, and I witnessed suffering on John Cena's face. It was that moment, Brock, that I truly understood. ‘Cause we've never gotten this before and I got it last night. I could never understand why so many people who love John Cena, love him with such a passion.

My children are John Cena fans, which really pisses me off to begin with, but now I get it. Now I understand why. ‘Cause John Cena was taking this heinous, vicious, violent beating and he kept coming back for more and coming back for more and coming back for more ‘cause when John Cena says ‘Never give up', John Cena means ‘Never give up'. John Cena, you earned my respect and my admirations to the point were, if I had time on my hands I would love to make you a Paul Heyman Guy. Yeah. Hey, you can knock me all you want, I'll tell you to the straight. If they wrote the history of the WWE right before Brock Lesnar pinned John Cena last night, John Cena would go down as the single greatest fighting champion in WWE history. Unfortunately my client Brock Lesnar does not share these opinions. In Brock Lesnar's universe, John Cena walked into this ring a hero and left a martyr. And in Brock Lesnar's universe the credo that martyrdom equals street cred does not apply. And even if it did apply, he who dies with the most street cred wins—ahhh, wrong answer. In Brock Lesnar's universe he who dies with the most street cred still dies—dies at the hand of The Conqueror Brock Lesnar.

Just like The Undertaker's undefeated streak at WrestleMania died at the hands of Brock Lesnar. Just like The Undertaker's career died at the hands of Brock Lesnar. Just like this whole stupid concept of Hustle, Loyalty and Respect died at the hands of Brock Lesnar. Just like the CeNation died and was conquered by Brock Lesnar! And here is the problem. The same thing awaits any man that walks into the beast's lair and tries to take away from Brock Lesnar the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. And it's almost an unfair fight to begin with. Because anybody that steps into this ring is just a challenger, just a man. My client is not a man. My client is The Beast and this beast will lay wreckage to any man that tries to take that title away from him which means the same beating awaits. Which makes any single title defense by Brock Lesnar not only must-see but can't-miss.

Now, if you're too cheap or too stupid or too blind or too ignorant to spend $9.99 on the WWE Network, let me tell you what happened last night. My client Brock Lesnar imposed his will on John Cena. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what they call Basic Brockanomics. Eat, Sleep, Suplex, Repeat. Suplex, Repeat. Suplex, Repeat. Suplex, Repeat. Suplex, Repeat. Suplex, Repeat. Suplex, Repeat. Suplex, Repeat. Suplex, Repeat. Suplex, Repeat, Suplex, Repeat. Suplex, Repeat. Suplex, Repeat. Suplex, Repeat. Suplex, Repeat. Suplex, Repeat. Brock Lesnar lives by the motto Eat, Sleep, Suplex, Repeat. Eat, Sleep, F-5, Repeat. Eat, Sleep, Victimize, Repeat. Eat, Sleep, Beat, Repeat. Eat, Sleep, Conquer John Cena."