"The Rock's History Lessons"

[Part 1 - Boston Harbor - Earlier Today]

The Rock: "Finally The Rock has come back to Boston! John Cena, tonight you get much needed history lessons. History lessons from The Rock! Lesson number one. In 1773 the great people of Boston had had enough. They had enough of the British. Because like you, John Cena, in the WWE, the British were here in their faces. Every single week, every month. Year after year after year. They had enough. The people started a revolution. The American Revolution. Well, tonight we start a new revolution. The Rock Revolution! In 1773 the people took England's tea and they threw it in the Boston Harbor. Calling it the Boston Tea Party. Well, tonight we're gonna have a party of our own. The Rock, the People's Champ, the people, Team Bring It, we're gonna have a party of our own. And it starts now. Let's get this party started. Because what we gonna do, we take all of John Cena's trash, all of his hot garbage. And we're gonna throw it where it belongs. [Er hat einen Tisch mit Cena-Merchandise am Hafenbecken aufgebaut]

And here is just a few of the items. Here it is. John Cena t-shirt. There goes that. [Er schmeißt es ins Hafenbecken] John Cena alarm clock. Can you imagine, Jesus, waking up to this face every morning. Ding ding ding ding ding. Yeah, time to get your ass whooped. [Auch der Wecker landet im Wasser] What else we got? We got the John Cena midget shorts. Didn't even know they made these. What an insult to midgets. [Und weg damit] And now, god, we got the John Cena garden gnome. What fourth dimension of hell did this come from? There is a man right now in his thirties or fourties who actually has this in his garden. And he's a virgin. [Hoffentlich kann der Zwerg schwimmen] What else we got right here? Oh oh, oh oh... We have the John Cena... there is a John Cena wristband. Yeah. Making him look like a transvestite Wonder Woman fighting crime! [Auch die Schweißbänder fliegen] This is my favorite. It's my favorite. They actually made this. This is John Cena cologne. They actually made this crap! John Cena cologne! Let me show the world right now what this smells like. This smells like fear, Fruity Pebbles, and possum piss! [Auf das Parfüm landet im Hafenbecken]

See, John, the revolution begins tonight. So you can take all your hot garbage and all your hot trash that you have been shoving down the people's throats year after year. They're sick it. We're sick of it. You can take it all, John Cena. You can take your midget shorts. You can take your Wonder Woman wirstbands. You can take it all, roll it up into a ball, turn that son of a bitch sideways and stick it straight up your rooty tooty, fashion fruity, candy ass! The revolution begins tonight. The Rock. We're going all across Boston until we end up right there in the middle of that ring after all of our history lessons with the Rock, getting in your face. Tonight, the Rock Revolution begins. [Er spricht nun jemanden im off an] You jabroni, get in the rowboat, get your ass out there in the middle of the Boston Harbor and clean up all that John Cena trash. And throw it in the trash where it belongs and burn it. The People's Party starts tonight. Boston, here we go!"



[Part 2 - Earlier today]

The Rock: "Lesson number two. Paul Revere, the great American patriot, riding through the streets of Boston, screaming 'The British are coming, The British are coming'. But think for a moment. If it wasn't Paul Revere on top of that horse. What if, what if it was this goof? [Er zeigt auf einen John Cena Pappaufsteller] What if it was John Cena riding throught the streets of Bo... first of all, they would have shot you on sight. Just based of this stupid ass outfit alone. If John Cena had led the American revolution right now all of us would be playing cricket, we'd be sippin' tea, and we would be blessing the Queen. You see, John, they would be sick of you then just as we're sick of you now. [Er haut den Aufsteller um]

The people back then, they would be crying into their jonnycakes, pleading for someone to come along and shut your mouth. Then - BAM! - prayers answered. The Rock shows up! The Rock would actually invent a time travel machine to travel back into 1776 just to whoop John Cena's ass. The time machine would land. The Rock's music would hit. If you smell... The Rock's doors would open. The flux capacitor still smoking. The Rock steps out. People silenced. Jaws dropped. Never seen anything like The Rock. Twentyfive percent black, twentyfive percent Samoan. And fifty percent Clydesdale! The Rock's sorry, brown beauty. The Rock has got you beat. Easy, big fella, easy.

Benjamin Franklin would have looked at The Rock, and looked up and said 'Screw that damn kite! That man invented electricity!' Then every women in Boston would be lying in those cobblestone streets, ready to give The Rock a piece of that sweet Boston Cream Pie! The people back then, John, they'd be so happy, so elated, because The Rock would have whooped your ass. They'd be showering The Rock with gifts. Gifts like this. [Er setzt einen dreieckigen Hut auf] They'd be singing songs on to The Rock. Sounding something like this:

Johnny Cena went to town
riding on a pony
Rock stuck a feather up his ass
and called him a jabroni

John, they'd be so happy then that The Rock would whoop your as then. Just like The Rock is gonna whoop your ass at WrestleMania. And if the great American patriot Paul Revere would be alive today, he'd be riding through the streets of Boston, screaming with joy: 'The Rock is coming! The Rock is coming!' Coming to WrestleMania, John, to whoop your punk ass! But before that, The Rock is coming to the TD Garden to get in your face. Tonight."



[Part 3 - Earlier tonight]

The Rock: "The incredible Boston Common. Right here. It was right here, where we, the Americans, we fought for our independence. And we didn't stop fighting until the fighting was done. The great American fighting spirit which lives and breathes inside of The Rock. The American Revolution leading to an overthrow of tyranny. Also leading to the birth of the greatest country under god's hot sun. Something else is gonna be overthrown. Something else is gonna be overthrown. Something that the people have been waiting ten long years for. The Rock Revolution overthrowing John Cena.

Because you see, John Cena, that is exactly why The Rock is back, jack. The Rock, he can entertain around the world, but there's only one place that The Rock can come back and fight. Right here in the WWE. There's only one place that The Rock can take his size fifteen boot and stick it straight up a certain smiling superman's candy ass while the world cheers him on. And when The Rock says the world, he's takling about the millions and millions of The Rock's fans. You see, John Cena, get ready because The Rock has got the charisma of George Washington, The Rock has got the brilliance of Benjamin Franklin, and The Rock has got the you-know-what of John Hancock!

Now that The Rock has taken you, John Cena, on a history lesson, now The Rock is gonna make history. He's gonna make history. April 1st 2012. WrestleMania. Mark The Rock's words. And you take it to the bank. The Rock will beat you, John Cena! You will fall to The Rock! But that's April 1st. Tonight is March 5th 2012. The Rock Revolution has begun. The Rock Revolution has already started. We are live. We are in Boston. And The Rock is coming to the TD Garden. And he's gonna step right in the middle of the ring and he's gonna come face to face with you. The Rock is gonna look you in the eye tonight and he's gonna tell the world exactly what he sees. Get ready, John. Get ready! If ya smell what The Rock is cooking!"